Hey Michiganders, starting tomorrow it is illegal to text while driving. You will get a ticket even if you are stopped at a red light, and they don’t need to pull you over for something else in order to enforce.
I stole this from my friend Romina’s Facebook note. Bolded are ones that I particularly relate to.
-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.
-Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.
-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it. (I felt this way with Ghostbusters 2 recently).
-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….
-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.
-There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
When I started to read the list, I was determined not to reblog. But I actually thought some of these were pretty funny, and related to the ones above. Click through one of the people I reblogged this from for the full list.
“On the subway one evening, I’m alone in the car (7 train, heading to long island), and a man gets in at the next station. I hardly noticed, then looked up, and it’s Bill Murray! He just stares back, and as we reach the next stop, jumps up, grabs me shaking my shoulders and yells, “They’ll never believe you!!” and dashes off the train.”—
all I want to do is watch reruns of Criminal Minds until I have seen every one. Whilst unemployed, I don’t let myself watch any TV during the day, so I’ve gone a little crazy knowing there are 5 episodes on my DVR. I have gone for a walk, looked for jobs online, and cleaned up my bedroom. Doesn’t that earn me one episode?
The recording session wasn’t going so well. The drums were too heavy. Dylan suggests to the drummer to just play bongos. There is no stand for the bongos. The drummer asks the young studio janitor to hold the bongos. One take later, you have this song.
The janitor’s name: Kris Kristofferson.
I wish Columbia studio A still existed. Just to go there and stand in the room so many great Dylan songs were recorded in.
I can’t remember if it’s RCA Studio A or Columbia Studio A, but the Country Music Hall of Fame has the studio door, recording light, and I think a console or two on display. It was Owen Bradley’s main studio. And I’ll always get goosebumps in Studio B. Always. Sadly, I had to miss this year’s pilgrimage due to travels.
My in-laws had a poodle named Muffin who was quite a bastard. He’d bark ferociously any time someone tried to hug my mother-in-law but loved to cuddle on her lap. When they’d play this song, or even when Mr Woolie would sing it, he’d literally howl. He’d get up and run over and “sing” right next to the radio or Mr Woolie. A duet. Never for any other song.
The only thing I think about when I hear this song is the SNL skit and one of my roommates in college who would come into your room and sing this to you the morning after having one too many. You’d feel a mixture of being nauseous/hung over, and wanting to laugh. It was torture.
If you are a church leader, may I suggest a church growth plan? Center your mission on the love or God. Center your teaching on the aim of becoming more loving people. Center your outreach on genuinely loving people. Define the antagonists to your mission as the forces that rip apart your love, even if those forces are Christians who speak the truth, but do not love their neighbors or their enemies. These people are demonic. As theologically wish-washy as it all sounds, love is the core manifestation of our relationship with Christ. People will go to love, and when we stop loving people, we stop representing Christ.
I used to have this thing, where I’d write down the name of the Key Grip from every movie I’d watch. After hearing that sentence in three separate movies/TV shows in the past week, I think I might start recording this overused phrase.
“The program –- called “No Junk” –- encourages people to forward their spam to firstname.lastname@example.org. For every 100,000 messages received at that address, Chipotle plans to donate $10,000 to The Lunch Box, a non-profit organization that provides resources to schools to help them make their food programs healthier.”
At first I thought it was going to be some kind of recycling-paper-into-chicken-nugget-filler-pulp, but this is much better
Every time we step onto the international stage, the audience is filled with Europeans who insist on being fucking snotty about it. Fine. We’re not nor will we ever be the best at soccer. Focus on your own teams, and stop being such haters. We’re trying something new-ish. You’ve been winning at this game for years. It would be like if we suddenly invited European baseball teams to participate in the World Series and then spent the duration of the world series telling the European teams how much they sucked compared to the American teams.
This is not a problem with Latin American soccer fans I’ve encountered. The only people who have really insisted on pointing out how not-as-good America is have been Europeans.
TAKE YOUR TIGHT PANTS ELSEWHERE. GOOD DAY SIR.
I SAID GOOD DAY.
I don’t necessarily agree with this hypothesis, but I do think it’s pretty funny.
Dr. Marcus Conant, among the first AIDS specialists in San Francisco, who for decades had one of the world’s largest private practices for patients with AIDS and HIV, has left town and moved to Manhattan.
He has been a physician for nearly 50 years, but like many doctors, in the past decade he has become increasingly frustrated with insurance challenges that made running a private practice unnecessarily complicated and a financial nightmare, he said. He tried to run his practice part time, using his personal savings to keep the clinic open. “The bottom line is, you cannot make a living practicing medicine unless you work at least 50 to 60 hours a week,” he said. “I’m not the only doctor who’s getting to the point where it’s not worth it.”
This is what happens when the business model of a doctor’s practice is determined by bureaucrats in Washington with very little clue about how the practice of medicine really works and have decided for you that you will get paid for strictly office visits and procedures when, in fact, being a good doctor is much, much more about good communication and solid relationships than the maximum volume of patients you can see in a given day.
If you want to know what really happens during a doctor’s day, read this. And if you really want to know how Medicare is systematically devaluing primary care in collaboration with the Specialists, read this.